The End of the Rope

Yup . . . it's been awhile . . . again.  And again, life has run away with me . . . and my sanity.  And when I caught myself yelling at my children for messing up the livingroom that I had just cleaned for the hundredth time, it became very apparent to me that it was time to sit and breathe and process.  Hence, the blog.  It helps me think.  

Our journey as foster parents continues.  And if I said that the road was rocky before, we have now hit the Grand Canyon.  Our dear munchkin has six separate, and extremely frustrating, diagnoses.  We have therapists, psychiatrists, neuropsychologists, behavioral specialists, and TSS workers.  Our days are filled with prayer, therapy appointments, more prayer, research, even more prayer, nightmares, and still even more prayer!  There are days when it is only by God's grace that I am able to open my eyes and crawl out of bed in the morning.  I limp to put my armor on.  I wouldn't even bother, but I have a sneaking suspicion that a fiery dart will be waiting for me that second I exit my bedroom (probably even sooner).

And because God is Who He is . . . good, faithful, compassionate, gracious . . . I was showered with His blessings this week.  Allow me to elaborate . . . 

I had the privilege of having breakfast with 2 other believing foster/adoptive moms.  Their children also have their own unique brand of "crazy" (I use that term endearingly, so don't take offense).  We compared notes over bagels and found that we were indeed rowing in the same boat.  Same struggles, same heartaches, same frustrations.  Same devotion, same determination, same God.  As I drove away from our meeting (with plans to meet together every month), I took a deep breath and heard The Lord say, "See, I'll never leave you alone."  So, ladies, you know who you are, thank you.  You were God's hands and feet to me this week.

Another blessing came from God's Word itself.  Ever have those days when you are so desperate for a word from God and it feels like your quiet time gives you nothing??  I'm had more than my fair share of those lately.  But this week, it seems that I have had my radar up, my distractions out, and my ears and heart open.  

Our dear munchkin had a fabulous 5 day stretch.  Very little "crazy."  Oozing with loveableness.  Sweet beyond words.  And those days found me pondering over Psalm 18 . . . 

He reached down His hand from above me; He held me.

He lifted me from the raging waters.

He rescued me from my strongest enemy,

from all those who sought my death,

for they were too strong.

They came for me in the day of my destruction,

but the Eternal One was the support of my life.

He set me down in a safe place;

He saved me to His delight; He took joy in me

(The Voice)

And the passage continues with such encouragement.  And I walked away whistling a happy tune.  God had heard my discouragement, my tiredness, my heartbreak, and He had delivered me.  Yay!!

And then just as quickly as those 5 good days came, they were gone.  And they went far, FAR away.  And we were plunged back into the darkness of childhood trauma.  Sad, defeated, and desperate, I opened the Word.  And Psalm 20 & 21 found me.

May the Eternal One's answer find you, come to rescue you,

when you desperately cling to the end of your rope.

(The Voice, Psalm 20:1)

May He grant the dreams of your heart

and see your plans through to the end.

(The Voice, Psalm 20:4)

His prayer was to live fully.  You responded with even more --

a never-ending life to enjoy.

(The Voice, Psalm 21:4)

And I could breathe again.  I am still at the end of my rope.  But I am confident that Christ will see me through to the end . . . to a full, never-ending life.  

And I can hardly wait.